I always thought once people grew up, they'd mature enough to realize this behavior is unacceptable and restrain from being a bully.
I was wrong.
I have spent the last three months being bullied by some "women" (and I use this term loosely, as a respectable woman would never engage in this behavior) who, for no good reason, do not like me. I have not done anything to them, except be nice when they are rude, look the other way when I am put down, and basically stand for behavior I would immediately squash in any other situation.
I did this because these are co workers of AJ's and I thought telling them to go scratch would be awkward for everyone involved.
I tried to smile and say, "Oh, they just need to get to know me, I'm very girly, and they are not."
Then I would think, "They are in a male dominated field, so they don't know how women interact."
Or the more psychological, "They seem unhappy with their lives, if I continue to be polite and nice and happy, they will come around. Being around people who are happy rubs off and makes you feel better too!"
I even tried to find reasons for their behavior, "Maybe they forgot that I am a teacher and didn't mean it when they made that comment insulting teachers."
But after months of this, I realized.
They are just bullies.
Then, I wasted time trying to figure out why they would bully me. I would sit there and think, "I'm nice, I make good food for pot lucks, I always am willing to help out, I'm a good person!" And then it dawned on me.
That's why I was being bullied.
Bullies attack any one who is happy and secure with her life, because she makes them feel poorly about theirs. Instead of becoming her friend, and asking for her support in becoming happy and secure, they tear her down. Seeing someone else sad makes them feel better about their sadness.
All the advice I gave (and still give) to my students about bullies, I should have been taking. All those times I said to a student, "Don't let them get to you, they are projecting their insecurities onto you. Feel bad for them, but don't waste time feeling bad about them." I should've listened.
I just never realized that some of those playground bullies get older, but they never grow up.
I guess this post was about childhood bullies after all.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
*I've decided to link up with Pour Your Heart Out. It just makes sense to me today.
6 comments:
Bullies are terrible no matter what the age and you are correct that there totally are adult bullies -- for some reason they get enjoyment out of it--i have never understood them.
my oldest in kindergarten has met his first bully-and it breaks my heart!
You are so right, and it never dawned on me that there ARE adult bullies! In fact, I work with one! Thank you so much for your insight today! :)
Bullying really doesn't go away.
Which is awful- adults should know better!
Bullying does go away for some.
I'd like to add that many who were bullied and never protected, become adult bullies. They suffered for so long, by the time they become adults, they feel it's their turn to make others suffer too.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this but you know, you sound like such a confident and secure woman that I have no doubt you will overcome this. You are entirely right, adult bullying largely consists of the bullies picking on someone who represents a threat of some sort to them...I was shocked to learn that bullies don't pick on those they perceive as weak but rather, those they see are very strong. So be happy knowing you are strong!!:)
Adults should know better and it's SO sad that they don't!
I am sorry you are experiencing this, but definitely take those words to heart (they really struck a cord with me and I plan to tell my son this)...."Don't let them get to you, they are projecting their insecurities onto you. Feel bad for them, but don't waste time feeling bad about them" Great point!
Post a Comment